Homesick

Bruce and I follow the Robert Murray M'Cheyne Bible reading plan. We read about four chapters a day and in one year we have read the entire Bible plus the New Testament and Psalms an additional time. We like the plan, but it's just a tool and there are a hundred other plans out there that are just as good. The point is to get you reading your Bible regularly.

One of the problems with a Bible reading plan is that it can become rote -- another thing to check off of the to-do list. I want to avoid that like the plague. This is my daily lifeline with God and I need to recharge and appreciate anew what a gift his word is. There are a couple of things I'm doing to try to make sure I always value my daily reading -- but that's not what I wanted to write about today.

We finished reading the book of Joshua two days ago -- so Judges is on tap. I have a wonderful Bible that Bruce gave me (the ESV Study Bible) and before I start a new book I like to read the study notes about it. The book of Joshua ends with his death and in the notes on Judges it indicates that this occurred in the mid-14th or late-13th century B.C. That got me to thinking about how hard Joshua's life was, but how all of the difficulties have been in the past for so long that I wonder if he even remembers them anymore. (I suppose you don't forget things in heaven, but I also don't think he is troubled by any problems or hardships he suffered in his 110 years on earth.)

I know there has never been heaven on earth (since the Garden of Eden, anyway), but in our own personal lives there are harder times and then there are easier times. I am more blessed than probably 99% of the people who have ever lived when it comes to material goods and physical ease, but we only know what we know and I look around me right now at the state of the world, the state of the country, the state of my mother's health -- and this is one of the harder times in my life. Don't spend any time pitying me (prayers are always gratefully accepted, of course) -- I am not about to jump off of a cliff or anything and I know how many people have it much worse. And in fact, I have been doing a pretty good job of handing everything over to God every day. There are things I would like to be different, but I tend not to be too much of a worrier. I will let God handle it.

But as I was reading about Joshua and thinking about how he ran his race and finished so long ago, there was a twinge of envy in my heart. I always feel that when I hear about a believer dying. I have sympathy and a broken heart for their families who will miss them so much -- but for them the good times have just begun. 

I have absolutely NO intention of making this a political blog -- I will avoid it like the plague -- but for the first time in my adult life I feel adrift when it comes to politics. I can't vote for either of the major candidates, so where does that leave me? And I feel so alienated from people who I was supposed to have things in common with -- that they would nominate a man like Donald Trump to be the leader of the party that until now at least nominally stood for things like life, traditional marriage, character makes me feel like I don't belong anywhere. And of course that's true (when it comes to this world, I mean). 

So the world is filled with terror, our political situation at home is a mess, I miss my son and his family and my husband (Bruce works out of town all week), my mother's health is not good -- I'm tired of all of this. So as I read about Joshua all I could think of was that the feeling that I have in the pit of my stomach is homesickness. I am homesick for a place I've never been before but where I truly belong. And I know I am not alone.

The famous C. S. Lewis quote addresses this beautifully: "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

And there you have it. I wasn't really made for another world -- I was made for this one, but in its uncorrupted state. I was made to walk in the cool of the Garden with God and to converse with him face to face. I was made to rejoice and to praise him, to love my fellow man, to work and to serve with gladness. But when all of that was taken away from mankind our only hope became another world (or this world renewed, depending on your theology). 

I told a young mother the other day that "the days are long, but the years are short." And it's true -- I am on the cusp of turning 58 and feel like I ought to be 28. When I am saying goodbye to this earth I will feel the same -- where did the years go? My prayer is to use whatever time I have left wisely (oh, I waste so much time!), to "redeem the time" so that one day I might hear, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant...enter thou into the joy of thy lord." And then I will finally be home.

Praying and Such

Kathy Keller speaking at this year's TGC Women's Conference

I've just been in a terrible mood today. I've confessed, prayed about it -- and there is still a black cloud not OVER my head, but encircling it, blocking my vision and muffling my hearing. Some of this mood I understand, some of it I don't.

I have a ton on my plate right now. When I have a lot to do, I procrastinate. It's horrible. But in this case, I was blessed. See, what I did was listen to the talk that Kathy Keller gave at The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference a couple of weeks ago. I heard it at the conference, but to be honest -- I'd pretty much forgotten it. It was exactly what I needed to hear today. Here are some of the snippets that helped me.

The talk was supposed to be about prayer, but she talked for a good while about suffering because that's when so many people pray. Just a constant stream of "Help! Help!" going up and after the crisis has passed more perfunctory (and fewer) prayers arise. According to Kathy, you can't learn to pray rightly if your only prayers come from when you're suffering.

She mentioned that prayers must proceed from a grateful heart. She confessed that her own disposition is one more prone to whining than gratitude, and that a lack of gratitude is really a case of forgetting or undervaluing the gifts that God has given us. And she said something else that really struck me. She mentioned things like life and freedom and how we consider them to be "rights." But they're not rights at all -- they are gifts, and whichever way we choose to view them will truly affect the way we pray.

Isn't that good? I really love that. It kind of rebooted my attitude about things. Not that my bad mood is entirely gone because it's not. But I seem to be headed in the right direction.

Here is a link if you'd like to listen to Kathy's talk.

"Baby" Christians

I don't actually know all that much about James Dobson even though his Focus on the Family has been around for most of my life. For whatever reasons (most of them faults of mine) I've never read anything by him and he has not had any sort of an influence on me. In fact, much of what I know about Dobson and his organization is at least somewhat negative (I am not a fan of exaggerated rhetoric from either side of the political spectrum).

Right off the bat, though, let me confess that I know my heart is often too hard and critical when it comes to people who say things I wouldn't say. I was talking to Bruce about this very thing yesterday (not in relation to Dobson), and I admitted that if everyone did and said things my way I really would never have to leave the house because I'd already know what was going to be said! I am trying to be kinder and more generous when it comes to folks doing things in ways that don't appeal to me, but this is a very tough one for me.

And now we come to Dobson's announcement that Donald Trump is a "baby Christian" -- that he knows "the person who led him to Christ." Dobson went on to say that Trump "doesn't know our language" (he used the word "hell" four or five times in his meeting with Christian leaders and talks about "religion" and not "belief" or "faith in Christ").

What a wonderful thing this news is, if it is true. I pray that it is true! At the same time, I am unwilling to check my discernment at the door.

Conversions are often not immediate events. C. S. Lewis went from atheism to a belief in God to Christianity over a period of many months. Yes, there is a moment in time when one passes from death to life, but the process leading up to that instant can be a lengthy one. My (Jewish) husband's conversion took a long time -- he sought and studied and finally decided that Christ had fulfilled the Messianic prophecies in the Old Testament and so must be the Messiah. It behooves us to facilitate that process, not inhibit it. Trump may enjoy the spotlight (well, he obviously enjoys the spotlight), but that doesn't mean that something as critically important as faith in Christ should take place under media scrutiny.

No, Trump's conversion story (if there is one to tell) is Trump's story, not Dobson's. He had no right to thrust a man he admits doesn't know the language of Christianity into the public eye where he will be expected to expound on this event that Dobson claims happened. So far Trump's camp has refused to answer questions about this, which is not surprising.

At the same time, if Trump's conversion did actually happen we should expect to see evidence of it. It is impossible to believe that one can truly become indwelt by the Holy Spirit, God himself, and not be changed. In I John 2 the apostle writes, "Whoever says 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked."

Obviously sanctification (the process of growing more and more Christlike) is a lifelong process and does not proceed in a straight line or at the same pace for all Christians. All true believers represent Christ well and not-so-well. But God is not a vending machine required to offer a payout if you put in the right coin. You can mouth the words of the so-called sinner's prayer, but if your heart is not involved you are not really saved.

The bottom line is this: if Donald Trump has truly become a believer his faith should be nurtured and he should be protected from spiritual attack as much as possible. Dobson's revelation accomplished the opposite of that. And if Trump has not truly accepted Christ then Dobson has given his imprimatur to a man who uses any means necessary to grasp what he most wants. He has given his permission to other believers to support a man whose life up until now has been about as far as possible from what a believer's life should be. That is Dobson's right -- but it is not his right to use something as important as the relationship between a man and God to support his political opinion.

IOUS

(Some shots I took at the conference last week)

For several years now I've been following the Robert Murray M'Cheyne daily Bible reading plan. You read about four chapters a day and in one year you'll cover the entire Bible plus the book of Psalms and the New Testament twice. There are a lot of Bible reading plans out there and I would never say that one is better than any other -- different needs, desires, strokes. The important point is to read your Bible.

I started doing this particular program because John Piper mentioned it one December, so I figured I'd join him (that was kind of what he said -- it was a "join me in reading..." kind of thing). Bruce does it as well, so we can say things like, "Wasn't the reading in Isaiah wonderful today?" (That's typically about as deep as we go -- I don't want to give you the wrong idea!)

There are both good things and bad things about following a Bible reading plan and M'Cheyne, to his credit, points them out. He was a young (he died at the age of 29) minister in the Church of Scotland in the first half of the 19th century and he created his eponymous plan so that his congregation might all "feed in he same pastures." So when Bonnie met Mary in the marketplace one might say to the other, "Wasn't the reading in Isaiah wonderful today?" (and possibly go a bit deeper than that).

One of the biggest dangers with a plan like this is that it becomes something one just does every day -- like brushing one's teeth or going to the gym. We must never forget that we are reading the word of God, that the Bible is living and powerful, that it contains the revelation of God's character and person, the message of salvation, and -- that we can read it in the town square if we want to (rather than reading smuggled copies in secret).

BUT -- there's even more to it than that. Lately I have been praying for more of God himself. For more of the Spirit, for every gift he has to give me. In James we're told that we don't have because we don't ask (and we are cautioned to ask for the right things). So I am asking. I want to love God more, to be aware of his presence, to make decisions in my life in light of my position as a child of the King. But it never occurred to me to begin each morning's Bible reading with specific requests until last week.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I've even been praying specifically before my Bible reading. To me it's always been: read the Bible, pray. (Now it's read the Bible, meditate, pray -- but that's a topic for another time.) But last week I heard John Piper say something that gave me a whole new insight on my daily devotion time. This was not the point of his talk, but when I heard it my ears pricked up. (I actually couldn't take notes fast enough to get all of this, so I have been (im)patiently waiting for The Gospel Coalition to post videos of the conference, which they have done. So I scurried over, found the video, moved ahead to where I knew he'd said what I wanted to know -- I thought I was so clever to have looked at the clock so I'd know how far into his talk I needed to go -- and this time took careful notes.)

Piper prays specifically before he reads his Bible. (When he told us this he was so funny. He said that just that morning he was eight verses into Isaiah (he reads M'Cheyne, you see) and suddenly realized he'd forgotten to pray. He was horrified, asked for a do-over. Ha.) This is what he prays (and now it's what I pray too):

Incline my heart to your testimonies
Open my eyes
Unite my heart to fear your name
Satisfy me in the morning

We have just started reading Psalm 119, which is a glorious place to be if your desire is to love God's word. The first letter in Piper's acrostic is from verse 36 in that psalm: "Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!" Incline my heart to your testimonies -- because my heart is deceitful. It does not want to listen to God, much less obey him. Incline my heart to your testimonies, Father!

"Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law" -- another verse (18) from Psalm 119. Piper asked how he could ever expect to see anything wondrous without God's help! Satan doesn't care if we read our Bibles as long as it's a mechanical process -- just something to check off of our to-do list. If we are to see the wondrous things that God has for us we need his help to have our eyes opened, our ears unstopped, our hearts made flesh.

I love this next verse: "Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name." (Psalm 86:11) Make my heart steadfast, loyal, united with you, God.

Finally, Psalm 90:14: "Satisfy [me] in the morning with your steadfast love, that [I] may rejoice and be glad all [my] days." If we begin our days fully satisfied with God and his word (and there is nothing else that can pull this off) we can move through the rest of our days with confidence and joy and steadfastness.

So try it: IOUS. Or IOUs, if you prefer (but don't forget the "S"!). By keeping these joyful prayers in mind my daily reading will never be a rote duty, but I will be reminded of the power that I hold in my hands.

I'd Like to Talk to You about Cheeses

(yeah, I got a good night's sleep last night)

For most of history the biggest concern humans have had when it comes to food has been how to get enough of it. The idea of standing in front of an open refrigerator filled with leftovers and saying, "There's nothing to eat" would strike most of humanity as unfathomable.

Obviously, considering the history of the human race, I am of superior stock. I could outlast most of you in a famine, make soup out of your carcasses, and survive until the rains come. Until that happy day arrives, however, all of my superiority manifests itself as FAT.

I just got back from a Bible conference with the theme of I Peter which contains the following admonition to women: "Do not let your adorning be external -- the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear -- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

I know that Christians are not to be vain, are not to judge by appearances, all the rest of that. I mean, even Beauty and the Beast teaches that moral. But at the same time I don't believe it's wrong to try to do a little primping here and there (remember Esther!) -- and even more, I know it's right to try to keep our bodies strong and healthy so that we might be able to do God's work for as long as possible.

Don't get me wrong -- as long as we can breathe we can glorify him. But I want to be in the trenches (or at least working back at the base camp!) for as long as I can.

So I'm going to the gym. And I'm trying to make "Good Choices." I hate that -- don't you hate that? "Good Choices." I'd like to take Good Choices out back and slap him around a little bit. Good Choices is a buzz kill, the death of the party, the nerd who gets pantsed by the jocks after school. But later, of course, the nerd starts the tech company in Silicon Valley, sells out for a cool billion, and the jock is selling sprinkler systems in Wetumpka.

Basically, I don't want to be a burden. I mean, this is not a news flash -- no one wants to be a burden. I want to live until I die. Statistics show that most of us will endure a period of impairment before we kick off; the goal is to make that period as short as possible. I know (we all know) people who suffer for years, increasingly disabled, undergoing more and more treatments, procedures, pain, incapacity...

All you have to do, to be honest, is go sit in a Walmart for an afternoon. You will come out of there motivated to train for a triathlon, Store-provided scooters, folks pulling their e-cylinders (although I've never smoked, so I'm probably pretty good on that score).

But here's a question. Say I get hit by a bus tomorrow. Will I be fat or thin in heaven? Because while I can appreciate that in heaven everyone is beautiful no matter their physical appearance, it's still easier to move around if you're thin than if you're fat and who wants to be fat for all eternity? But if i'm thin in heaven will people know who I am? Oh, the mysteries of the hereafter.

Thirty sweat-inducing minutes on the elliptical and 10,000 steps a day. Maybe I'll start weight training tomorrow. Remember the body-less heads on Futurama? That'd sure make things easier.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." --Romans 12:1

So I guess when God says he wants everything, all of us, top to bottom, he wants all of us. Does he care if I choose the Twinkie instead of he apple? Seems likely. Can I offer exercise and healthy eating as an act of worship? According to I Corinthians 10:31 the answer is a resounding "yes." This is not an extra fat-and-sugar-filled layer of guilt to be slapped on top of all the other layers that we already have: it is for freedom that Christ has made us free. And he loves us. And he made good things for us to enjoy. And he wants us to delight in his gifts. Just along with the delighting maybe I can work in a few more steps and a core workout.

Get Thee to a Conference!

The first post of a new blog is supposed to be some sort of "welcome, this is who I am, this is what the blog is going to be about" thing. And there is value in doing that, so I will. Eventually. But right this minute I need to write about something else. There will be time and days for introductions because this is a personal process and I will be revealed (I hope honestly) in the days to come.

Today, though, I want to write about The Gospel Coalition Women's conference that wrapped up in Indianapolis on Saturday. More than 7200 women from all 50 states and 38 different countries attended (hearing 7200 women singing is enough to make your heart almost burst with joy). 

The unique value of attending one of these conferences is not the information provided. You can read books, watch videos, listen to sermons -- all without leaving home. And if you don't leave home you save money and aren't exhausted after the conference is over!

Information is good -- and so is saving money and energy. And we are incredibly blessed because podcasts offer us the opportunity to hear excellent preaching anytime we want. This is especially valuable for folks who cannot attend conferences due to time, money, health, logistics, or other reasons.

But if you can go -- oh, if you can go! The unique value -- the power -- of a conference like this one is the synergy produced by 7200 women (and the Holy Spirit!) coming together to worship one Father, one Son, one Spirit, one God. 

There is value in getting away -- leaving your family, your duties, your distractions, your "real life," and for a brief moment in time sampling a foretaste of glory (which will not have all the walking in inappropriate shoes and the exhaustion, please God!). To be surrounded by women who love Jesus, love his people, and long to do the work of the kingdom more effectively, to hear thousands of voices lifted in praise, to get to know and love your sisters better -- all of this happens on a different level at a conference.

The pre-conference (what does that even mean?) talks were by Tim and Kathy Keller and let us know right away that we were in for a glorious three days. Keller has meant so much to me over the years both through his writing and now his sermons (get the Redeemer app and listen to him as much as you want!). To finally be in the same room as him was an exciting prospect. He spoke about prayer, about Jesus as friend, and he was -- well, he was wonderful. I had never heard (or even seen a picture of) his wife Kathy, but I enjoyed her thoroughly. She has a little bit of an edge to her -- she's sharp and smart and throughout her talk I kept thinking that it's clear that I have to move to New York so that we can be best friends. Watching the two of them interact was a gift. I may be blown away by Tim, but she certainly is not. The love between the two of them is palpable and reminded me of the relationship I have with Bruce: Tim was sweet and respectful and Kathy teased him the entire time. (This is just one more reason why I think we are supposed to be best friends.)

The conference theme was I Peter. Jen Wilkin (who spoke and was hilarious) has a nine-week I Peter study that I'd done in preparation for this event, so I was primed and immersed and really ready to have my heart and spirit and mind expanded. The book was divided into sections that were assigned to various speakers (John Piper! Don Carson!!!) and believe me when I say there was not a dud in the bunch. Each speaker touched me, gave me insights and plenty to chew on.

There were smaller workshops that we'd registered for ahead of time. I listened to Jennifer Marshall of The Heritage Foundation and RTS speak about "Sojourner Citizens: Why, What and How to Engage in Public Life Together" and Mindy Belz of WORLD Magazine on "Standing Beside the Persecuted Church." There was a book store with deeply discounted books and exhibitors -- seminaries, publishers, mission groups, etc. There were small concerts, focus groups, a prayer room.

And -- not the least valuable thing -- I spent time with two friends who are dearer to me than they were a week ago. Susan and Kathleen were fun, funny, smart, challenging -- a blast to travel with. (But if there was any justice in the world Susan would weigh 900 pounds.)

So here's the deal. There are different wonderful conferences coming down the pike all the time and I'm sure you would be blessed by (almost) any that you attend (you would be discerning, of course). This one has my heart, though. It's an every-other-year event. If you save $5 a week starting now, you'll have the conference and all of your expenses paid for (or be awfully close) by the time the next one rolls around. I'm getting ready!